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My life is thought. I live into, wrestle with and imagine this life, my life, with joy, sorrow and anticipation of what it should be. I practice mindfulness although I am often mindful of not being so. So, there is a desired place I seek to be living into and a reality I find may be at odds with how I think of myself and of others, too.
When I consider what peace is, I find that how my thoughts happen to align with my actions, my breathing and my place in present time – the here and now, serves as the best indicator. I cannot be at peace with others, the environment and with divinity, if I am not seeking to find the biopsychosocial & spiritual equilibrium within me. Leon Festinger spoke of cognitive dissonance as being a key dysfunction in the interior life of human beings. I believe that spiritual dissonance is just as true.
How I think is how I live. I believe this is what causes spiritual dissonance if there isn’t flow between the two. If I do not experience peace; it is because my thoughts are at odds with my nature.
Suggesting a place to begin to struggle with this isn’t an easy task. Personally, I have made clear and vulnerable inventories of my thoughts – the good, the bad and the ugly. Having a spiritual director is a good thing to have while I do this. A therapist or a guru can also be of great assistance. As life is a koan in so many different ways, I don’t expect any immediate answers. I do find that this process is about experiencing peace as I live with the questions.
As I rummage through the good, the bad and the ugly, I intend to find where my actions reflect these thoughts. I ask myself how my thoughts could be altered not for others, but for my own sense of value and purpose. This is most essential part of the exercise. Sometimes this requires inner strength. I have found in others the affirmation to proceed into this area of vulnerability but not seeking judgment, but the companionship of wounded healers.
In the world of conflict analysis, it is crucial to find the source, roots or antecedents of hostility. Why is there tension in me? What are the triggers that cause me to lose my sense of presence in the now and mindfulness is turned into emotional disorientation? Do I have tools that affirm my journey and assist me in self direction? As I work and walk through this life, these are the questions I ask. I ask them often. I am repetitive as they are mantras that keep me centered and keep me present.
Peace is static, peace is an ongoing process. I must work on being the peace I desire to see in this world. I cannot only think about it or remain trapped by the “Bermuda Triangle”, of regret: should’ve, could’ve or would’ve. I can do this, I should do this and I will do this, are the antidotes that release me from tension so I can experience peace. Right now.
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